Yesterday, I learned a very cool lesson about how to talk about "passing the time" in Italian. As folks may know, a couple of years ago I passed my B1 Italian exam. Now, after living here for a full year, I can get around proficiently with Italian but I continually realize how much more there is to learn!
In my prior and current language studies, I have found there are two big learning leaps.
The first big leap is when you go from feeling lost/overwhelmed to being able to communicate without fear—even if you have to use hand gestures and mime things out at times.
The second big leap is when you go from being able to communicate effectively to being able to communicate eloquently. Now, getting to "somewhat eloquent" is my next goal. It's going to be a tough one!
Eloquent communication isn't just about using the right words, it's about understanding culture and modes of thinking, too.
So yesterday, I learned a very cool lesson about how we think and talk about time in English vs Italian. And I just had to share it!
The Special Visitors Who Inspired an Italian Lesson
First, a bit of a story. This past Wednesday, my friend Trish from New York arrived in Sicily by cruise with her husband and two cousins. The ship docked in Messina, which is the closest point between Sicily and mainland Italy. Messina is also two hours north of our village of Melilli. But I was so excited to see Trish and her family, that I worked with Sebastiano who runs Go Sicily, a car service here, to figure out a plan.
My friend Trish had a very specific request for an excursion: She wanted to go to the village of Sortino where her Sicilian grandfather was from!
Of course, as it turns out, Sortino is Melilli's neighbor. It's only 15 km further inland from us. Like Melilli, it's pretty far off the tourist track for most travelers.
So, at 7am, Sebastiano and I hopped in the van and headed to Messina. By 11am, our whole crew was back in Sortino.
Our time was limited but Sortino is a village, not a city, so we strolled around the streets. We popped into the museum of Sortino and learned about how the area has been occupied since prehistoric times, as evidenced by the incredible archeological site of Pantalica. Then, in the Middle Ages, an expanded and more developed Sortino was destroyed by the devastating 1693 earthquake that rocked the region. We learned that only two structures from that period remain in Sortino today.
However, as I am discovering living here, the people of Sicily are resilient. Hardship, loss, and rebuilding are accepted as part of the natural order of life. So the people of Sortino rebuilt the village that my friends and I explored yesterday.
As we marveled at the village and imagined my friend's grandfather there, we also wondered if we might get a chance to meet some relatives. I unfortunately had not had time to get to the comune in advance to look anyone up and my friend didn't know of any direct relatives. So, after popping into the historical society, we headed to the one restaurant in town that is open for lunch on Wednesdays.
As we arrived, I explained in Italian to the owner that my friend and her family were here because their grandfather was from Sortino. "He was a di Mauro," I explained.
"Oh," the owner exclaimed, "my husband is a di Mauro!" And then, as if pre-planned, her husband and daughter arrived. Two members of the di Mauro family. Two distant relatives of my friend Trish!!!
And that is what living in a little village is like.
So Many Ways to "Spend Time" in Italian
After we dropped my friends back off at the boat in Messina, Sebastiano and I started chatting about the more challenging aspects of the English and Italian languages. Sebastiano speaks English, so we had a lot of fun comparing how to say complex phrases, including what's formally correct vs what is more natural sounding and commonly used.
We got around to reflecting on the day and talking about time. It turns out I have been talking about spending time all wrong!
In English, I would say:
"I spent 12 hours in the car to see my friends, but I had so much fun."
In Italian, I have multiple options. I could say:
"Ho perso 12 ore in macchina a vedere i miei amici. Ma mi sono divertita."
Translated literally, this means I lost 12 hours in the car to see my friends, but I enjoyed myself.
This is a more informal way to say you spent time. "Perdere tempo" or to lose time can have a negative or neutral connotation, depending on how you frame it in the sentence. In some translations, it's interpreted as "wasting" time.
In this case, I was having a very busy week and was stressed about getting ready for even more visitors. I lost those 12 hours but losing those hours to see my friends was fun and worth it.
Or I could say:
"Ho impiegatto 12 ore in macchina a vedere i miei amici."
This means I employed 12 hours in the car to see my friends. This is a more formal way to say you spent time.
I could also say:
"Mi sono divertita 6 ore con i miei amici."
This means I enjoyed myself for six hours with my friends. In this one, the verb is all about my emotional state.
P.S. If any native Italian speakers want to pop in and make corrections, please do!! This is where language gets so complex and so fun.
Behind the Language: Spending Time vs Losing Time
It is really fascinating to think about what different ways of talking about time MEAN. So many cultural influences go into our language and our language can also shape how we think about things like time.
In the U.S., we often think of time as a commodity. We can optimize time. We can earn or save up time off. We can work hard now so we can retire and spend time doing what we truly enjoy. We spend time with the same language we use to spend money.
In Sicily, though, time is something you can't control. Time marches onward whether we like it or not. Each day, we lose another 24 hours of our time on earth. We can never get those hours back. But we can choose how we lose the next 24 hours.
Coming from the U.S., we hear a lot about how in many parts of Italy, especially a village in the South, the pace of life is slower. Yes, there is still a LOT of living you need to accomplish each day, whether you're working or raising a family or caring for elderly parents. Life isn't easy.
But why rush through it if, in rushing, you lose the moment?
Working to Change My Own Mindset About Time
One thing I've been struggling with off and on over the past year—and which has sometimes even kept me from taking the time to blog—is my own tendency to prioritize and worry about client work.
I spent 20 years in a stressful nonprofit career. I accomplished so much that I'm proud of, but my biggest regret is spending too much time working. In other words: I lost time that I can never get back.
Now, I work much less and spend much more time living. But I find myself still falling into patterns of thinking about and worrying about "getting work done" or "working harder to do a good enough job." I may be working fewer hours but I'm still losing too much time to worries I don't need to have anymore.
Over the next month, though, I have a big and wonderful motivation to practice not losing time to work worries: my parents.
Ready to Lose More Time in Italy with Friends and Family
I am continually surprised by how many friends and family members have come to see me and Marco since we moved to Sicily! It is one of the best things ever to be able to show old friends from the U.S. a glimpse of our life here and why we love it so much.
Now, in just a couple of days, my parents arrive for their first visit to Sicily! They will be visiting us for four weeks. And Marco and I cannot wait to lose plenty of time enjoying their company and showing them around this beautiful island we call home.
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